Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A Night Mayor?


andrew. said...

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

memphish said...

I'll admit to a vacation level of drinking, but clearly I'm missing something. Gotta watch the Housewives.


memphish said...

Dang didn't click the email thing.


Jordan from the 206 said...

Just watched Heroes. But Andrew, I think you were wrong. Bryan Fuller's name wasn't in the credits. And the article I just read said that Fuller's first ep is the next one that airs in 2 weeks. In the trailer they term it a "CLASSIC" episode and "“GOOD. AS. EVER.” lol.

PalmerEldritch said...

"I was in Africa playing cards with the natives."
"Oh really? Zulus?"
"No. I won."


PalmerEldritch said...

havent watched Heroes yet.

did watch 24 on the DVR. hilarious! man, that first daughter is a jerk. yeesh.

Alirio said...

What did the ZERO sy to the EIGHT?

Nice belt!!!

PalmerEldritch said...

why is six afraid of seven? cuz seven eight nine!

it's a phonetic joke. and a fecking awful one too.

PalmerEldritch said...

drunk comes out of the bar and a patrol car starts driving by. drunk flags the car down and starts banging on the window. the cop gets out of the car and asks what the trouble is.

the drunk says "officer! thank god you're here. i want to report a crime. somebody took my car!"

the cop goes "ok... where did you park your car?"

the drunk says "it was right here on the end of my key!!!"

cop snickers a bit and says "why don't you hop in the back of my patrol car and i'll take you down to the station so you can fill out the paper work on that missing car?"

the drunk agrees and starts climbing into the back of the patrol car.

the cop stops him and says "just one thing. can you tuck yerself back into your underwear and pull your pants up?"

the drunk goes "oh no! they took my girl too!!"

andrew. said...

- Jordan, i may have been duped about Fuller's level of involvement in the episode. I decided to trust this article at AICN but i didn't click the link because i was afraid of getting spoiled on something that i might want to watch. who knew that an internet news site would trade in hyperbole?! Sorry to any innocent souls i set in front of a Heroes episode.

- night mayors and trees.

- Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: a Buccaneer!

James said...

A bloke's walking in the african plains and he sees a kalahari bushmen leaning against a dead elephant.

"How'd you kill that elephant?"

"I killed it with my club"

"It must be a big club?"

"Yeah, there's 200 of us"


Ralph- said...

A duck is in the checkout line at a supermarket.

He puts a stick of deodorant on the counter.

The clerk asks him if he wants to pay cash or credit.

The duck says, "Just put it on my armpits"

Ralph- said...

i am sooooo sorry about that joke. but i made it up a few years ago and i think it is fucking hilarious. Up yours! don't judge me!

mb said...

jokes? nice.
I'm not even going to apologize for the un-quality of this joke.

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery,
"My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

/is this thing on?

Mr. Bill said...

Don't get me started...

A guy goes to see his doctor and says:
Guy:Look, I have a weird bump on my forehead, and it seems to be getting bigger by the day.
Doc:You are not going to like this at all, as a matter of fact you may need to sit down.
Guy:WTF? O.K. tell me what's going on.
Doc: Well I've seen this before, within a couple more days you will have a large penis growing out of your forehead.
Guy:Wait,What? You are saying that when I look in the mirror every morning I'll see a huge dick sticking out of my forehead?
Doc: No, the balls will cover your eyes.



Chris JC said...

"My wife's gone to the Caribbean"


"No, she went of her own free will"

(also Kablamo.

t-dot kim said...

These jokes are HORRIBLE!!! When is LOST coming back?

Chris JC said...

It's not until next week.

That's right - a whole week of shit jokes!

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

Chris JC said...

What's got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

Mr. Bill said...

Now for something completely different...

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.


Give it 7 minutes at least. Lost related...

I ain't flying in no plane FOOL!

Chris JC said...

Transatlantic confusion confession time. In London there is a subterranean railway system called the London Underground which I was very familiar with, and also knew that various major US cities also had their own "Subway" systems so when I was very young, and heard that intro to The A-Team I thought it meant that they had escaped a maximum security stockade on a subway train.

Chris JC said...

Further related confessions. In the UK, pedestrian underpasses under major roads are called "subways" so when I first saw a Sesame Street song about using the subway that had puppets riding trains instead of walking, I thought it was just another example of how amazing everything in America seemed to be, that you could get on a little train carriage that would take you under the road.

I *was* very young.

Mr. Bill said...

Ahhh the 80's.

I think most of us were confused back then.

Mostly because non lethal machine gun fire, bad writing, bad acting, and cameltoes were not only accepted but also encouraged.


Chris JC said...

"It's the Eiightiies! Do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reeeagan!"

Mr. Bill said...

The Aristocrats!

Chris JC said...

A duck walks into an employment office and says "Get me a job".

The man behind the counter is amazed that he is being addressed by a talking duck and immediately makes a number of calls. After a few minutes he turns to the duck and says "I've just spoken to the local circus and they're very happy to give work to a talking duck such as yourself", to which the duck replies, "Circus? But I'm a mechanic!"